zaviyaar:

The day went by in the blink of an eye. Or maybe a constant stream of thought in my brain, keeping it busy processing just one thing, or at least trying to distract me whenever I tried to do something.

What if that girl was Aaliyana? I was stupid enough to dwell on this after three days. There were other things on my plate that desperately required my attention, but again, nothing was helping me.

What if she were? Okay, then I can't do anything about it. It's not that I am meeting her again or anything else. We aren't even friends or even acquaintances. Or ever gonna be. So, just let it be.

Holy day. My brain needs to stop. Why didn't I give it a thought when it could have made a penny's worth of difference, now? Hell.

Constant reminders of what I could have done came to a halt when I saw Mom appearing in my room. And before she could even inform me why she was here, I already knew it. Her smile was giving it away, easily.

"Zaviyaar, you know na we have to-" I cut her sentence in the middle."Yeah, I know," I said. She smiled and walked out of the room without saying anything else.

I was strangled from every side. And I feel like running away. I don't feel like settling down or having a family of my own; the concept is just... not settling with me. My hand made its way up to my head; it was spinning. I wanted a break. A day or two away from the chaos.

"Bhai." I almost jumped in my place when I heard Malaika's voice out of nowhere. "Wrong time?" I looked up at her, before I could open my mouth to answer her, Zayyan entered the room, lightly hitting Malaika's head.

"Bhai," she whined. She got up and pulled his hair. "Batata hu main," Zayyan said. (Wait.) Malaika ran, shielding behind me. "Hath laga de dikhao," she said. (Catch me if you can.) "Bhai, ap side hat jao," he said. (Brother, you get aside.)

And I didn't even know what they were up to. "Bhai nahi," she said. (Don't.) "Tumhe main batata hu," he countered. (I'll teach you a lesson.) "Hath laga ke dikhao," she said. (Do it, if you can.) "Ruko zara." (Just wait.) Their voices were causing my ears to itch.

"Shut up," I said. Shouted. "You both have gone crazy. Do saal ka bacha bhi tum dono se zyda samjdar hoga," I said. (A two-year-old might be more mature than you two.)

"Leave," I added. They both didn't need another word; they simply got up. "Malaika, I think he's suffering from something called pre-rishta anxiety," Zayyan didn't waste his chance to comment. "Agreed," she said.

"I can hear you both," I said. "That's exactly why I said it." His words came to an abrupt halt the moment I looked him in the eye. "Acha, sorry." And with that, they both left me in my solitude, which I was grateful for.

✨

The next morning, I didn't wake up to my alarm. My routine was messed up, but instead of wasting my time on that I started the day.

I went to the gym, took a shower, and headed for breakfast, though it wasn't sufficient time to have breakfast. But I cared less.

No one was there to accompany me at the dining, everyone was busy with their own tasks. Soon after, I got ready and I found myself behind the wheel. Azlaan had called me informing me about a meeting and I was headed for it.

Even before I could reach the office I got a call from Mom. "Kiski permission se office gaye ho?" she asked. (Who allowed you to go to the office?) "Hello to you too," I said.

"Zaviyaar, I am telling you to come back or else don't talk to me," she said. "Mom, I have a meeting," I put in an excuse.

"Keep your excuses to yourself. I already told Azlaan to postpone it. Now come back." I sighed. I wasn't given another option. I was commanded. I took a U-turn and directed my car towards home.

aaliyana:

My sweet slumber was brought to an abrupt end by the banging sound on the door. I might murder someone today. At first, an idea popped into my mind to not open the door and keep on sleeping like some stubborn old man, and actually, it did work, but not for too long after when the banging escalated.

I had to push my body off the bed—I  hate this—and dragged my body like a corpse towards the door. I opened the door, taking my time in the world. And I knew I had done something wrong the moment my mother's face came into my vision.

Sleep was nowhere to be found now. I mentally prepared myself for the insults. They were my breakfast for today. You might think How do I know? Her face was saying it all.

"Haye Allah, abhi tak so rahi thi time dekha hai 1 hogaya hai," she said, entering the room. (Oh my Gosh, you were still sleeping? Have you seen the time? It's one already.) I was taken aback by why she didn't say anything else.

Something like you are of no use? Or something like all you do is sleep? Or is this because of your phone? Okay weird. And another reason that I didn't reply is that I hate morning talks. Kudos to the people who can do it.

"Aaliyana jaldi tyar hojao wo log 5 baje tak ajain gaye," she said. (Aaliyana, go and get ready they'll be here at five.)

And it all came to me like a haphazard flood. My proposal. How could I just forget it? I am stupid I am stupid. And a foolish person. And an idiot. I know they are synonymous and I don't care. How could I just sleep at night without doing anything about this thing?

Allah. I am doomed.

Before my endless thoughts take another turn, I decided to take a shower. My mother summoned my name, but it was too late.

After getting out of the shower, I decided to go downstairs, not before drying my hair. I loathe how wet hair feels.

It's just... Nevermind (sigh). Grateful to the one who invented hair dryers. I wonder who they are? And did they get the idea of the whole thing? Like genuinely? I bet there are genuinely some smart people out there. Shut up. Just. Shut. Up.

I need medical attention. Something is definitely wrong with me. Definitely.

"I can see someone getting so excited about their proposal." I regretted stepping into the hall. Daniyal didn't waste a single moment toying with my patience. Believe me, I don't want that.

Ignoring his existence, I walked towards the dining hall. I wanted to eat food. "Mustaq Chacha, mere liye khana laga dein." I was glad to see one of our cooks. He nodded and went into the kitchen. (Mustaq uncle, bring food for me.)

"Mere liye bhi," Daniyal bothered to interfere. (For me too.) "Why do you want to eat with me?" I said. "In your dreams. I just woke up," he said.

I couldn't care less about his reply, I didn't reply. Soon after, one of the helpers came with our food, and my mood was immediately lightened. And the reason behind it was my favourite pasta.

I could kill and get killed for this. I am exaggerating, I won't. Our lunch was filled with non-stop banter between my brother and me. I wish Ahmed Bhai were here. Or Baba.

I came back to my room after having the ridiculously good mouthwatering pasta. Being brutally honest, I want to go and have it again.

Before I could ceaseless talk about the pasta, my phone rang. I made my way towards the nightstand. Noor. Her name shone on the screen, and within an instant, I picked up her call.

"Are you okay?" My instinct clicked in. Noor never calls. Never. "Yeah, I am okay. I just wanted to talk to you," she said. Her voice is low. "Something happened at the house?" I asked.

"Leave it. Tell me about today. When are they coming?" She swiftly diverted the topic. "Around five," I said. "And how do you feel?" she asked.

"That my heart might burst or I might start crying or I might just jump from my balcony. Wait, what if I try to do that? It won't cause much?" I didn't even realise what I was uttering until she stopped me.

"Aalo, stop. You're panicking. And you're just nervous," she said. I knew it. And I hated it. I hated that my nervousness made me talk a lot. And cry.

"And don't you dare cry. Believe me, I will come and break your face," she said. "I won't. I am just... weirdly confused. I don't know, man. I don't want to think about it," I said.

"Okay, let me tell you something." Curiosity kills the cat. "What is it?" I couldn't help. "I might know the guy." I could feel her smiling through the phone.

It was impossible for me not switch the call to a video call. "Who's he?" I had to ask. "Do I know him?" I added. "He's a nice guy. And you might know him. You know what you should know about him. And if you don't. I can't do anything," she said.

"Believe me, that didn't help me at all. Like at all." I got up from my bed. "Who said I was helping you?" I rolled my eyes.

"Aaliyana." It was Baba. "Noor. I will call you at night," I said, before ending the call. He entered the room. Something in the room shifted. Tension. The feeling was similar to something crawling on my back. I didn't dwell on it.

"Your mother told me that she had already informed you. But being your father, I wanted to tell you myself." He continued. "You might feel like we are getting rid of you, but it's not the case. You will always be my daughter. My only daughter. If you don't like the guy just come to me and tell me. And if you already like someone just tell me that." He completed his sentence.

Tears welled up in my eyes. He didn't say anything else, he had sensed the tension in the room already. This was the most formal conversation I have ever had with my father. And I didn't like it. At all.

✨

I was in the middle of getting ready when I felt like I should change my clothes. I wasn't a fan of how I looked in them. It was a knee-length, peplum kurti. It was in soft mint and pastel aqua blue with pastel yellow and blush pink details on the border.

It came with an organza dupatta, and same colored shalwar. I hated that I was too skeptical about how I looked. Before I could make a decision, I heard the creaking of the door. I turned on my heels.

Malaika.

She entered with a huge grin on her face. "Finally. I thought you wouldn't come," I said. "What do you think about the dress? Is it okay? Or should I go and change it? I think I should go and change it," I blabbered.

"Here, drink." She handed me a glass of water. "You look ethereal. And now you're coming down with me. They are here," she said.

My heart dropped. All I could imagine was my father's face. Silent expectations. They kill you.

Malaika and I made our way down. I just wanted to get done with this feeling. It was getting into my head. And I didn't like that.

The moment I stepped into the hall, the earth slipped under my feet. The world just seemed to be too still. Do we really live on this small earth?

What were the odds of that guy being here? I don't know? Next to zero? My life... sucks.

The only wish I had at that time was that the earth could just swallow me. He was the same guy who bumped into me not once but twice and he didn't even apologize. The irony.

"He's Zaviyaar," Malaika whispered in my ear. Holy days. I was right. I told you, my gut never lies to me. Why didn't I listen to it? Okay, wait, and if I had? What could I have done? Nothing. Yeah, exactly.

"You didn't tell me earlier," I whispered, trying not to scream at her. It was her freaking brother. I was planning to hate them for the rest of my life. Ah. I needed time to digest it. All of it.

But for now, pretend. I greeted everyone, grabbing their attention. I sat near my never-to-be-mother-in-law. I love Safiya Aunty, but I ain't marrying her son. Illiterate. Piece of... zip it Aaliyana.

"How have you been?" she asked me. I nodded, "I am good. And you?" I asked. I couldn't help but notice a constant gaze on me. I didn't want to know who it was.

At this point, everyone was looking at me. Was I a showpiece? I hate everyone. Malaika smiled at me. I hate her for not informing me about this. Noor too.

"I guess, they should talk if they want to." I hated the idea my mother proposed. "Yeah, of course," Aunty said.

"Aaliyana, take him to the garden," Mama said.  I simply nodded and sheepishly smiled at her. I don't want to be here. I want to go back to Canada.

At that moment I was regretting my every life decision. Why did I come to Pakistan in the first place? If I had stayed there, this would have never happened. I hate this.

I went outside, while he followed me. We both moved towards the chair and sat down before each other.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Huh?" I couldn't catch him.

🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻